Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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