omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Two words: blizzard sex
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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