I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
