He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
