...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
