no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
