If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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