Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
