Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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