I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
