In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
