The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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