My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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