I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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