if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
