Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it's like heaven, but drunker
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
