Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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