Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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