its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
