so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
