that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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