I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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