i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
