I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
