I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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