i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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