If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
