u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
