I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
