so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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