I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
