I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
