At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
