At least make sure they are 18
Why
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
