Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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