You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
