my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
