Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
