living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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