I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
