just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
