Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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