I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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