Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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