I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
