he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
