Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
