obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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