Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
