Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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