Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
