i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
