I am full of burrito and curiosity
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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