it wasn't lemon gatorade
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
